Real Slow News Day

George W. Bush has secretly passed new legislation giving him the unprecedented power to become an Academy Award winner, should Oliver Stone’s forthcoming biopic, W.,  win an Oscar.

The film, which tells the story of President Bush’s private life as well as his rise to the Oval Office, is currently nearing the end of production and will open in theatres in mid-October.

The President has called the new legislation “important for the American people and our international standing”, and “awesome”.

Bush signed the measure on Friday morning, after the bill made its way through both houses of Congress untouched. Democrats have criticised the timing, claiming their euphoric high from the Democratic Convention had rendered them completely incapacitated, and unable to read the proposed legislation.

“Our commander-in-chief is shameless,” Senate Majority Leader, Harry Reid, told Real Slow News Day. “He thinks he can do anything, and now, because of this Convention and Senator Obama’s knack for distracting us with all that hope and happiness, he got away with it too. Damn it.”

It is stipulated that for any or all of the awards granted to the film or its actors, President Bush will also earn one. The law is also retroactive, meaning that although the Academy Awards will be held in February, one month after he leaves the White House, an Oscar statue may still be presented to him.

“This is great legislatin’, just great. I’d like to thank God, and also thank all the good folks in D.C. for making this possible.” Bush declared gleefully in a press conference yesterday. He spoke casually and at length with the White House Press Corps. “You seen Josh Brolin in the new trailer? The man’s from California but he plays a good Texan, looks an’ talks just like me!”

Aside from playing the President, Brolin has also portrayed a crazed Texan doctor, a Texan thief, a cocaine-loving drug lord, and has been arrested in a drunken bar fight.

“The man’s got some swagger,” said the President. “I hope we win.”