Bay loses control of vehicle – blows up car and buildings!
Traffic in downtown Los Angeles was brought to a standstill yesterday after Hollywood director Michael Bay accidentally crashed his Porsche into a building, triggering a massive explosion.
The incident occurred at the corner of Rodeo Drive and Dayton Way and the damage to buildings and vehicles is expected to cost around $10million to repair.
Despite the location and enormous scale of destruction, no one of any importance was injured. Shia LeBeouf, who was a passenger in the car, was unable to escape the burning wreckage and soon died, but this only drew thunderous applause. Bay later admitted to police that LeBeouf “was along for the ride”, though the police department didn’t know who he was talking about and declared there would be no investigation.
All witnesses at the scene were reportedly dazzled by the explosions, but were ultimately confused by what they saw.
“I saw his Porsche swerving all over the road – he clearly had no sense of direction,” one man said. “It crashed, flipped, and exploded, and he got out with a suitcase full of money. How does that even happen?”
Other people had more scathing reactions.
“What a shit driver,” one lady told Real Slow News Day. “My blind grandmother could’ve done better, and did he have to endanger John Turturro like that?”
Turturro, a popular actor of more than sixty films, had been innocently walking down Rodeo when Bay’s out-of-control vehicle knocked him off his feet. His body and reputation remain intact.
Despite vocal public outcry in all forms of consumable news media (and a resounding “two thumbs down” from the California Department of Motor Vehicles), Bay said in a press statement that he refuses to give up driving, and will be seen behind the wheel of a new vehicle next week.
